Asian in a Strange Land

Bethesda Crab House

Actual date: August 13, 2009

Long fun day at the zoo wore us out, and we needed some serious replenishment.  Bethesda Crab House was on the dining itinerary that night.  We got on the red line Metro at rush hour with a few thousand other people and made our way out to the Bethesda Metro stop, from which it was a few more blocks trek to Bethesda Crab House.  Susie met us there soon thereafter.  We would’ve gotten there sooner if I hadn’t led us the wrong way a couple times.  Note to anybody using Google Maps to navigate D.C.: the listed metro stops are the locations of the escalators.  The elevators are often in a completely different spot.  Don’t make the same mistake I did.

Lovely Denise

First of all, I want to thank Denise without whom our Bethesda Crab House excursion would’ve never happened.  While we were planning our D.C. trip we had an overwhelming number of food options.  We wanted to get some steamed crab, but our first option was out in Arlington and was too far out of the way to fit in with our plans, so I gave up on it.  Denise found Bethesda Crab House and insisted for my sake (I love crab) that we go.  She didn’t have to twist my arm too much, but without her we would’ve skipped over this place this time around.  I’m sure glad we ended up going, because this was one amazing crab feast.

Bethesda Crab House is a real no-frills type of place.  We sat outside and a waiter laid down some sheets of brown paper on the table, presumably to make cleanup easier.  Our waitress was very attentive, friendly, and helpful, but not hover-y.  And of course since it’s crab, everybody eats with their hands.  It’s a great place to bring a group of good friends and family.

Bottled sweet tea

Can you tell Denise is a Southerner?  We go all the way up north to D.C. and she orders sweet tea.  Of course they didn’t have any freshly brewed, but they had this Tradewinds bottled sweet tea that Denise said was pretty good.

A dozen crab, and Denise's hand for scale

I called ahead while at the zoo to reserve some crab–apparently they run out sometimes–so when we got there they started working on our dozen extra large.  I believe the available sizes are medium, large, extra large, and jumbo.  Here’s a pic of the mound o’ crabby goodness with Denise’s hand held next to it for scale.  They were massive.

Dropping the hammer

They brought out some wooden mallets and knives for us to use on the crab.  We had to get our waitress to demonstrate proper crab dismantling technique–we were such newbs.  We ended up not doing quite what she demonstrated, but her demonstration provided us with the necessary info to improvise our own individual styles.  Sofia didn’t work for her own crab meat, but she got to hammer on a crab claw for fun.

Messing with an eyeball

Sofia has this weird obsession with eyeballs–human, animal, statues, etc.–and managed to get a few pokes in on this one crab’s eyeball.  I wonder what she’s thinking when she’s doing this?  Enjoy it while you can, kid.  Next time you poke me in the eye, you’re getting a whuppin’.  With a mallet.

Fun with pinchers

Normally Sofia doesn’t get to play with her food at all.  This meal was an exception.  Whole crab is just too interesting to eat without playing with first.  Even Denise got in on the act.

Tools of destruction

Here are the aforementioned mallet and knife, as well as buckets of Old Bay (seems to be Maryland’s version of Tony Chachere’s), vinegar, and melted butter.  Before eating I wondered how effective that thick coating of Old Bay on the outside of the crab was going to be in seasoning the crab since it can’t penetrate the crab’s exoskeleton, but in practice you get it all over your hands and end up coating the crab meat that way, so it works.  I didn’t use much extra seasoning of any kind on the crab I had.  It was so sweet that I felt it was best enjoyed as is.  Make no mistake: these guys know what they’re doing with crab.  You’d think after cooking enough crab it’d be pretty routine, but I still respect the technique that they apparently have down pat.  My Indonesia trip food memories have faded so I can’t say for sure, but this crab is probably a very close second to the crab I had in Indonesia as the best ever.

Once we got to eating, Sofia became a problem.  She was inhaling all the crab meat put in front of her, probably barely chewing before swallowing it.  Seriously, she was an eating machine.  I don’t blame her though; that crab meat was like the seafood equivalent of eating candy it was so sweet.  Denise started out shucking crab for Sofia, but I had to spell Denise for a while because she wasn’t getting to eat any due to Sofia hogging all of it.  It’s hard to say for sure, but I bet Sofia ended up eating the equivalent of a whole crab by herself.  We tried to slow her down by giving her some corn-on-the-cob to eat, and that worked for a while until she destroyed the corn too.  Eating.  Machine.

Speaking of sides, you can get either corn or shrimp for your sides.  Yes, shrimp as a side to crab.  Crazy.  I think they have crabcakes too, but this trip was all about the whole crab for us.

Sorry that I don’t have more pictures of us eating the crab.  Messy stuff this crab business, and unless I had a head-mounted camera or some such there just wasn’t going to be any picture taking while I was performing the serious undertaking of eating crab.  Blogging is great and all, but a man’s gotta eat!

Denise and her debris pile

And here’s Denise piling up yet more crab shell pieces onto her debris pile.  Just kidding–it was a joint pile, not just hers.  This is probably about half of our debris, as our waitress emptied our bowl about half way through our meal and this is what we had afterward.  At about that halfway point I briefly considered ordering us another half dozen, but after some deliberation with my fellow diners we thought we’d be fine, and if not then we’d get a big dessert somewhere.  Good thing we didn’t order more, because that dozen extra large crab and corn cobs stuffed us good.

This dinner was a resounding success.  It wasn’t cheap, but each adult ate 4 extra large whole crab (minus Sofia tax for me and Denise) and a cob of corn apiece, and considering how much you’d pay for just 1 whole crab at an uppity restaurant it was a true bargain.  Go again on our next D.C. trip?  We’d be crazy not to.

Oh, and if the relatively empty outdoor seating area gives you doubts about the quality of this place, know that we beat the dinner rush getting there.  Here’s what it looked like when we were finishing up our meal (and there were plenty of people inside too):

Packed house

Bethesda Crab House
4958 Bethesda Avenue
Bethesda, Maryland 20814
(301) 652-3382

Open 9 a.m. – 11 p.m., 7 Days a Week
Reserve your crab ahead of time to make sure they don’t run out.